Apóleia: a work in progress — Marie Martello Art

Wet Paint! Do not touch!

Hey there fancy folks, thanks for being curious and checking out my process. This blog post is a bit of a look into what inspired me, my process, and how I’ve dealt with great loss in my life. It touches on a bit of everything and gets vulnerable so if you just want to look at the pictures, I completely understand! If not- thanks for reading. I appreciate you and all your support. <3

For two long years, I’ve struggled to create. It was a strange time. The depths of emotion that I felt when I reached into the paint were endless. So much so, that I might have drowned.

Drowning in color, what a way to go.

Two long years I spent regressing from my feelings, gaslighting myself into thinking my grief was an overreaction and death was nothing but inevitable. You see, society enforces these feelings, validating my regressive nature, and then asking why I didn’t paint anymore.

Why creating was so difficult now? Why?

Because everyone lives forever and nothing hurts. Ask Vonnegut, he knows.

In the throws, I picked up my brush. I sat. Waited.

Until what was drowned decided to bubble up from the depths of what was buried. I helped her out, I cleaned her up, and I decided to paint what I feared most: Loss.

Underpainting — *The Under painting and block in*

I chose the Harpy and her broken egg. Harpies originate in Greek mythology as the ever-elusive wind spirit. They are half-bird, half-woman and have conflicting backstories, as most myths do. They are described as beautiful, heavenly creatures who would snatch unsuspecting victims and carry them off, never to be seen again. Often when people went missing, they would blame harpies as the cause. The second version is depicted as horribly ugly creatures of filth, who would defecate on their enemies and leave a stench of rot in their wake. Rewriting Mythology is a theme I enjoy painting most. It speaks to the storyteller side of me, winding the past with my own experiences, bringing new life to old, discarded things, and giving someone a chance to learn something they never knew before.

Shaping oil paint — *Shaping the oil paint*

In the painting, I wanted to give the context of loss and how it affects everyone on a spectrum, not just in seven steps. Two sides of the same coin: Heavenly and ugly, elusive and present, vengeful and vulnerable. Vengence and grief have stuck with me through the loss of my sister.

*A sloppy studio shot. The oil paint is still very wet so it was difficult to get a picture without glare.*

Loss is a four-letter word but it needs to be embraced and held in the gaze of the observer. Digested, comforted, awakened. Lest we turn from it, we will only be taken by the wind, never to return.